


Pizza: The Secret Matchmaker

by NeonDomino



Series: The A-Z of WolfStar AUs [9]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: I for Intervention!AU, M/M, PizzaBoy!Remus, Sirius actually hates pizza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 13:26:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5786791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeonDomino/pseuds/NeonDomino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius' friends hold an intervention for him, as he orders pizza three times a week, despite him not liking pizza. It becomes a lot clearer as to why he's wasting his money on food he hates when Remus turns up at the door with his order.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pizza: The Secret Matchmaker

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written on 19th June 2015 on fanfiction.net

Sirius tucked his mobile phone into his pocket as he walked up the last of the stairs. He pulled out his key and pushed it into the lock and turned it, opening the door.

Whistling, he pushed the door closed behind him, and looked around.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked, taking in the group of people. James had mentioned a few friends were stopping by, but they were watching him so intently. He had a feeling James had left something out.

It wasn't his birthday. That wasn't for another couple of weeks... So what could it be?

"Mate," James said, moving to block the front door. "It has come to our attention that you've been exhibiting some strange behaviour."

"I'm not acting any different," Sirius said, frowning around at the group.

"Look, we've decided to hold an intervention for you," Peter said, from the sofa. "It's time we face this problem."

"The only problem I have is you lot, getting involved in my business," Sirius snapped, feeling irritated. Couldn't they just get to the point?

"The fact is that we've lived here for six months and before we moved in, you hated pizza. Now, you order it in abundance," James explained.

"This is where the pizza is going," Lily said, walking over to poke Sirius' flat stomach.

"Yeah, and I go to the gym all the time and work it off," Sirius said, pulling his t-shirt off and showing his chest off. "Look, I'm not getting fat. So what if I like to enjoy my pizza?"

The other's shook their heads.

"But it's not healthy," Frank said. "It doesn't matter if you're working it off or not, you can't keep eating such unhealthy food three nights a week. Even if you tried to cut back..."

"No, he has to give it up," Alice said. "You don't tell people who are trying to give up drugs to cut back, do you?"

"Wait, are you comparing me to a drug addict?" Sirius asked. He turned to James. "I blame you for this. You couldn't just leave me alone with my pizza."

"That's just the point. What happened to the Sirius Black who liked to go meet men on a Friday night? Now you just stay in with pizza. It's like pizza is your replacement for a relationship... and I never thought I'd say this, but it's like you've replaced sex with pizza and that's just even more unhealthy."

"Maybe I don't want to go and shag random blokes anymore," Sirius began defensively. "Maybe I... maybe I like staying in on a Friday night."

"Another thing -" Lily began, breaking off when there was a knock on the door.

"Oi, move," Sirius said, rushing forward.

James pulled open the door to find a man standing there with pizza. He stared at him in disbelief for a second.

"Where's Mr Black? Sorry, I mean: Hi, I'm here to deliver this pizza. Will you be taking it because I normally give it to... Uh, that'll be twenty pounds please."

"Right," James said, a hand quickly yanked him back away from the door and Sirius leaned against the door frame.

"Hey Remus, how much did you say that was?" Sirius asked smoothly.

"Hey... Mr Black," Remus said, blushing as he took in the man's bare chest. "That'll be..." he trailed off, his gaze lingering.

"He said twenty," James said, pushing his way next to Sirius, and Remus' gaze darted between them uncertainly.

"Here," Sirius said, handing the money over, and accepting the pizza. They guy looked like he was going to say something, but he just smiled and walked away.

Sirius glared at James and walked inside. "Eejit," he muttered with a dark look in James' direction.

"What did I do?" James asked.

"You scared off the pizza guy," Frank said. "Guys, I think we've found the reason for the pizza obsession. It's pretty obvious now, isn't it?"

"Him? Should I get him back?" James asked.

"He's straight," Sirius muttered. "Single dad, so he's not interested."

James snorted, and was out of the door before Sirius could stop him.

"James! Don't you dare!" Sirius roared after him.

**...oOo...**

"I'm sorry Mr Black, was there a problem with your pizza?" Remus asked, walking inside the flat, James following behind.

"Not the pizza so much," Lily said.

"Actually, Sirius hates pizza," Alice added. "But for the last few months it's all he seems to eat."

"Shut up," Sirius growled, looking at his friends.

"Tell me... Remus, was it?" James asked. "Are you straight?"

Remus' eyes widened slightly.

"I don't think sexuality affects my job," he offered after a pregnant pause.

"Mate, it won't bother us, we're just curious. You see, some of us think you are, some think you aren't," Frank added.

"Well..." he looked around, his gaze lingering on Sirius for a moment before returning to James. "I'm bi."

"There you go," Lily said, looking at Sirius. "And you were worried that he was straight just because he had a kid. Now you can just ask him out and stop ordering these greasy pizzas just to see him."

Lily smiled smugly as Sirius glared in her direction.

"Well, if you won't..." Alice turned to Remus. "Our friend Sirius doesn't actually like pizza," she began. "We were holding an intervention over the amount he eats, it's not healthy. Will you just go out with him so he stops ordering the pizza just to see you?"

"See me?" Remus asked bewildered. "Why would he want to see me?"

"Because he fancies you," Lily said. "Can you just make a date with him so this place stops smelling like Pizza and Sirius doesn't waste his money anymore?"

"But... he can't," Remus said, looking at Sirius for a moment before turning back to Lily. "I mean, he's gorgeous, and I'm..."

"A pizza boy?" Peter suggested.

"A University student with two jobs and a son," Remus said defensively, his gaze shifting to Peter. "When you have someone to support, you take the jobs you can get, even if it is delivering pizza. I was going to say I don't think I'm his type."

"Let me be the judge of that," Sirius said, glaring at Peter. "Look, it's true and I'd really like to take you out for dinner sometime... if you want?"

"Well..." Remus said, thinking. "My mum has Teddy overnight every Friday, so maybe if you are free next week?"

"Yes, I'm free every Friday," Sirius said, smiling at him. "I could take you to dinner."

"As long as you don't go for pizza, that's a great idea," James added.

 


End file.
